Hemali Panchal

"Robert Sutton..."

Robert Sutton was a somewhat quirky but relatively average thirty-six
year old Caucasian male. He played golf on Tuesdays. He owned a store
that only sold buttons. He’s quite clever. Robert Sutton owns Sutton’s
Buttons. Robert was single but he was not looking for love. He seemed
to be just another functioning member of Santa Cruz County. No one
ever noticed how no one saw him at DeLaveaga Golf Course, though he
claims to simply be near another hole or using the bathroom. No one
questioned why his car was in his driveway every Tuesday. People did
question his obsession with curry popcorn, however. This awkwardly
disgusting combination seemed to delight him to no avail. He always
had at least a few bags around the store for his customers to enjoy
(abhor). He always kept a full stock in the back with his buttons, for
emergencies. What emergency requires massive amounts of curry popcorn
is unknown even to Robert.
What Santa Cruz County did not know is that Robert conducted
clandestine experiments every Tuesday. Though he painted himself to be
a normal denizen of Santa Cruz, his true occupation was that of a
eugenicist. He was trying to alter the human genome to create a
perfect super human. His idea was to create a human machine, much
like a cell phone. This glorified human would be able to send and
receive messages instantaneously, much like the human nervous system.
However, this system would be amplified and able to communicate with
other humans just as synapses communicate to one another. These super
humans would have a quirky desire for buttons. It would be innate. He
wants to create a human race that is as intelligent as Einstein, as
efficient as a Tianhe 1-A computer, and as physically fit as Rosie
O’Donnell.
On a regular Monday evening, a few of Robert’s neighbors came by his
house to visit, or rather complain to Robert about the stench of the
curry popcorn. As soon as Robert opened the door, the smell permeated
the space between them. As they recoiled in horror, they noticed
advanced computer equipment in his living room. They also noticed a
cadaver submerged in some sort of fluid. His living room looked like
it had come straight from one of James Cameron’s movie sets.
Robert noticed the changed expressions on his neighbors faces, from
disgusted to appalled. In that instant, he realized the answer to his
problem.
No, Robert did not successfully create a super human race that had a
quirky desire for buttons. He did not go on to manufacture curry
popcorn either. He did not stop his alterations of the human genome.
He needed specimens.
He created an online dating profile.
Company would be nice, he thought.